Tuesday, June 28, 2011

eventual eventuality

and I had watch yesterday till almost balls, and today I felt like a drunk slug at work. Admittedly, it was a short day- but I get the watch right back tonight and have it again until late tomorrow.

I was talking with Senior this morning, about kidney stones and too many hours at a desk, and I told her, well, somebody around here needs to work for a living. Might as well be me. She seemed a little surprised, broke into a tired grin, and said that she liked my attitude. I don't get why it should be anything out of the ordinary.

On the phone with Mom, I told her that hope I end up in Japan for this first stint. She wasn't careful enough and didn't quite mask the disappointment in her voice. I just want to go; go do something else, something useful. Years from now I don't want to be the only one that looks back at what I did. I balance this in my mind- am I merely being self-serving? Question any motive long enough and you'll winnow out some selfishness, I'd wager.

Been listening to some Over the Rhine this afternoon, introducing new friends to the tipping point in their musical consciousness. What is it about a certain artist that will resonate so deeply with certain people? I can't imagine not connecting with Linford's words, Karin's voice. But really, as long as we're being honest here, if the music's not shit I'll probably like it.

I think I'm going to get up and take a walk. I really want to know what this board has decided, and the more I say I'm not thinking about it, the more I'm lying to myself and everyone else. I want this thing so bad. More than that, I just want to know what's next. I like to be prepared for every eventuality. I bet it looks nothing like I think it will, no matter what it is-- but that's ok. It'll get here, eventually.

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