a night luftpause

Will I ever rest this year? - JP Hoe


I'm with Joe this weekend. I'd had enough and had to come see him.

We went and saw "Up in the Air" shortly after I got here, and both loved it. Loved that it didn't end in a prepackaged fashion, that there was just enough real life in the script to keep it messy. The actress who played Natalie was perfect at portraying the bitch you love to hate. The actress who played Alex, Vera somebody-or-other who was also recently in that otherwise horrible film "The Orphan," was deliciously relaxed, down to earth: the quintessential man's woman. And George Clooney was... well, George Clooney. What is there not to like?

At one point in the film, Alex says to Ryan (Clooney's character) "Think of me as you, just with a vagina." Joe and I both laughed, because despite the plumbing and a couple of other minor differences, we are essentially the same.

In the car on the way, he showed me gifts his s/o had gotten him for Christmas, the s/o who's not an s/o. She'd sent stickers from XKCD and a Darwin fish for his car. I laughed with him about how when we got our house together in Washington State, I'd have to put a Jesus fish on the back of mine and that way when we pulled them in side-by-side in the garage, it would be like our own little peace house, differences of belief nestled safely side-by-side. He told me the last time he had a Darwin fish on his car, it was vandalized. Yes, that makes a lot of sense with the example Jesus set up. I told him probably a lot of people wouldn't even think I was a Christian these days, and just the idea cuts me to the quick. Sometimes a life lived outside the presorted and prelabled and prepaid envelope is one filled with more belief, not less; but I digress.

The standard Pensacola booty call was apparently at BW3's just before we got there, probably pulling out of the parking lot as we pulled in. He texted my phone repeatedly with regret, talking about boredom and alcohol. I was polite but not encouraging. My booty is going straight to voicemail these days.

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It is 0450, local time. I fell asleep about 5 hours ago, and have been up now at least a half an hour. I doubt I slept for more than 20 minutes at a stretch on the couch... I got too hot, my skin was too dry, the couch is too short for my long frame, etc. Mostly, I'm just restless. Or, I should say, I'm still restless. This moment in which I slink around, getting water and pottying and emptying my brain publicly of yesterday-detrius, is an in-between day. A night luftpause. Hopefully there will be more sleep when I am finished, but I'm not counting on it. There's very little I count on. Differences, and mess, and missed connections are pretty much, however, guarantees.